Your ability to be playful with one another and laugh together are vital facets of your relationship or marriage.

Does this mean you both have to laugh all the time with each other? No, you could both have serious tendencies. And…couples who enjoy each other’s company, which often includes fun, laughter, and dating, may just have an edge on staying together.

It’s very common for people to list “sense of humor” as something that they are looking for in a relationship. Amy Spencer says in All-in-One Marriage Prep, “Do you think you want someone with a good sense of humor? You don’t. What you want is a relationship in which the two of you crack each other up”. So, it’s more about the quality of the interaction between the two of you than looking for that particular quality in someone.

Take this quick quiz and see how your relationship or marriage scores:

  1. Do we find similar things funny? Think about cartoons, movies, TV shows, books, accidental happenings, human quirks…
  2. Do we understand and appreciate each other’s jokes or humorous stories?
  3. Does one of us laugh more easily than the other? How does that work or not work in our relationship?
  4. When we do activities together, do we generally feel a sense of enjoyment in the experience and in sharing it?
  5. When difficult circumstances arise, are we both able to see at least a glimmer of humor in the situation, or help each other see it?

Some people naturally generate positive, humorous feelings and an outlook that has them always looking for what makes them laugh. Other people tend to be more serious. Can you lighten each other up? Find friends who will help? What works best for you?

No matter how compatible you are, there will be times when one of you just doesn’t get the joke. One of you is cracking up and one of you is lost. You will just end up shaking your heads and agreeing you are on a different page. Perhaps you forgot and used humor around a touchy topic, and that didn’t go over so well. Take a step back and assess the interaction…but please don’t give up trying to find the fun. Maybe you are simply overdue to head out on a date.

Marriage, like the rest of life, is full of both joys and challenges. Sharing humor and laughter can be the grace that saves you when the baby spits up for the umpteenth time, the car tire goes flat for the second week in a row, your mother-in-law descends for an expected visit, or there is a difficult medical diagnosis to deal with. Couples who can find humor in even the most dire of circumstances have a unique strength. You aren’t laughing at each other, you’re laughing with one another. And couples who can laugh together are more likely to stay together.

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