Starting with Me: Knowing Myself Before Finding a Partner-Paperback; eBooks


By the time you’re in a relationship or marriage, it’s too late to prepare yourself! Learn the steps know yourself and get yourself ready…

NOTE: YOU CAN CHECKOUT WITH A CREDIT OR DEBIT CARD. THE TRANSACTION IS HANDLED THROUGH PAYPAL, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO HAVE AN ACCOUNT. WHEN YOU GET TO THE FINAL CHECKOUT SCREEN, YOU CAN USE A PAYPAL ACCOUNT OR CHECKOUT AS A GUEST WITH A CREDIT OR DEBIT CARD. If you need book pricing or copying permission for group-study copies, or if you have any difficulties or need a different payment option, please contact Susanne Alexander: or 423-599-0153.

Starting with Me: Knowing Myself Before Finding a Partner is also available globally through Baha’i Distribution Services, Baha’i bookstores, and many commercial websites such as Amazon, Chapters, and Barnes and Noble. Please find the book in the location that works best for you.


NOTE: Checkout is handled through the PayPal System. When you get to the Final Checkout Screen, you can use a PayPal account or pay as a guest with a credit or debit card. If you need help, please contact Susanne Alexander: or +1.423-599-0153.


"I've started on Starting With Me Chapter 3 - Observing and Knowing My Character. I'm only 4 pages in, but there's such a wealth of information and ideas to contemplate that I want to take this slow and really give myself the opportunity to take it all in. In one of the stories shared in this book, I was struck by the distinction between judgment and discernment and using detachment as a tool to distinguish between the two. I find this distinction extremely helpful because for me it takes the potential negative feelings out of the picture when contemplating those aspects of my character that need ‘further polishing’. And I agree that if we can discern where we are in our own development rather than judge ourselves in this capacity, I feel like it would be much easier to be truly honest with myself in where I'm at in my own character development. So this distinction struck me very much and is an important one for me. I feel like this distinction also makes it more comfortable to acknowledge the strengths and positive qualities I already have and bring to the table while removing ego from the picture (or the fear of ego)." ~ A Marriage Transformation client

"Just wanted to thank you so much for Starting with Me. I’m going through it thoroughly and carefully, once a week with another Baha’i.  We’re going through it paragraph by paragraph and doing all the exercises and we’re both getting a LOT out of it." S.G.

"I am very happy and grateful to have found Starting with Me when I started to seriously think about many questions that bothered me when I was in or after a relationship. Those questions oftentimes led me to a certain level of frustration and confusion about a romantic relationship. I found this book, and it speaks to me as if my requests were being answered. Yes, a good marriage starts from conscious preparation and also going through a scientific and systematic education process, like we always invest so much time and energy in educating ourselves to be fit for our service to humanity.  Adopting a posture of learning and actively engaging in continuous reflections along this journey of married life is essential to contribute to a healthy and strong ‘fortress for well-being’. This book helps me and my friends who are preparing and also already in a marriage, as it is a very powerful tool to objectively look at marriage into its essence, and in a comprehensive way." Nan Chen

"The unique ideas in each chapter, and the profound quotations from the Bahá'í writings opened my eyes to new and helpful ways of viewing marriage. The benefit I got from Starting with Me really skyrocketed when I began to complete the exercises that help us tailor the concepts to our lives."

About the Book:

Whatever your age or life circumstances, Starting with Me helps you prepare yourself for marriage and lay a solid foundation for your future. It offers uncommon wisdom from the Bahá’í teachings, time-tested guidance from relationship and character specialists, insights from everyday people on this journey, and transformative questions and exercises.

By the time you’re in a relationship or marriage, it’s too late to prepare yourself!
It’s time to stop “trial and error” and hoping for good luck.
Take charge of your life today! This book is self-help for singles...

Learn the steps to get yourself ready for marriage before you start a relationship: 9 Transformative Steps Based on the Baha'i Faith's Teachings About Relationships and Marriage

Starting with Me will empower you to:

• Live a full and happy life that includes service to others
• Learn from past relationships, and move forward
• Conquer your fears and doubts, and avoid those nasty pitfalls
• Know yourself and your character—and be able to study a potential partner’s character
• Form realistic expectations and wishes for a partner
• Form friendships that may later become a great match!

While you’ll start with yourself, we give you plenty of ideas for involving others on your journey, and Starting with Me also lends itself to group study. Whether you’re excited, nervous, doubtful, or optimistic, take a deep breath and smile, for help and hope are at hand! One reader shared:

“The unique ideas in each chapter, and the profound quotations from the Bahá’í writings opened my eyes to new and helpful ways of viewing marriage. The benefit I got from Starting with Me really skyrocketed when I began to complete the exercises that help us tailor the concepts to our lives.”

Here's Chapter 1 as a sample for you! StartingwithMe,V2-SampleChapter1Secured

Susanne M. Alexander is a Relationship and Marriage Educator and Coach, author, and character specialist, as well as the President of Marriage Transformation®. She is married and is a parent and stepparent.

Johanna Merritt Wu, PhD, is an organizational psychologist for corporations, non-profits, and start-ups. She is married, a parent, a youth group leader, and co-author of Marriage Can Be Forever—Preparation Counts! with Susanne.

Jeremy Lambshead is a writer, editor, and teacher who works with youth and adults to release potential in individuals, groups, and communities. To enhance this process, he loves to make music and poems—with the intent to inspire.

Publication Date: 2018
Publisher: Marriage Transformation
ISBN: 978-1-940062-06-8
Format: Paperback; PDF
Number of Pages: 194
Size: 8.5 in x 11 in
Language: English

Starting with Me—Knowing Myself Before Finding a Partner
Table of Contents

Welcome to This Exciting Journey!
Helping You Navigate the Content


1. Living an Integrated, Joyful Life: Foundation for a Happy Marriage
2. Learning from Family and Relationships
3. Observing and Knowing My Character
4. Developing My Character
5. Aligning My Expectations with Reality
6. Avoiding Possible Pitfalls on My Journey
7. Describing Myself and a Potential Partner
8. Creating My Future
9. Completing This Stage of My Journey


2A: Understanding Influences from the Past
3A: Assessing and Understanding My Character Qualities
4A: My Character Development Plan
5A: My Expectations of Marriage
5B: My Expectations of a Marriage Partner
7A: Assessing My Level of Maturity
7B: Describing Myself
7C: What to Seek—and Avoid—in a Potential Marriage Partner
8A: Creating a Vision of My Marriage
8B: Learning About Marriage—Interviewing Married Couples
9A: Widening My Circle of Friends and Experiences


A: Tracking My Action Commitments
B: Forming a Book Study Group
C: Using Consultation in Marriage Preparation
D: Many Sources About Character
E: Guide to Creating an Honest and Powerful Online Presence

About the Authors and Publisher
References and End Notes
Feedback and Resources


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